christmas is coming
hey...
christmas has unknowingly drawn near...
only 5 days to get all e shopping done...but i am broke...!! of all time of e year...lol
i guess that's when my skills come in handy huh...
with tears and laughter, this year is almost ending...
many thoughts and worries entered my mind...
i can't be like this forever..
a part of me... the childish and selfish part of me never wanna grow up... why cant i have my way..it's like a restless child wailing at my ear. Telling of things that i would never want to do.. never want to grow up... all my what ifs circling round my head wanting to engulf the saint part of me...
the 'nice' me...
pretense...
my mind keeps on repeating to myself, how can i help others when i cant even help myself...
what is wrong with me?!
slpless night...flooded with tears
trying to find things to immerse myself... to just keep on existing... forgotten what it is to live again... no matter how involve i was... it felt numb...helpless to the condition i am in.. to distract my thoughts... it's the hardest thing to do.. to love myself again...no matter how hard i tried to be kind, be nice...be me... i dun feel the same anymore... it's as if all e zest of life is gone...no matter how i try to cheer myself up, to be happy.. it takes alot of my energy... it have almost become a chore... i just feel very very exhausted...
i sound like a very ungrateful girl huh...
all e choices i made seemed wrong and even complaining now is wrong...
entranced by e saddest of e melody inside my heart... spinning out of control that i was never really in...
i began to understand myself lesser and lesser each day...
work and work...
play and play...
hoping to stop the tears flowing in my heart...
i pray...
snap out of it!!!!!!
i am perfectly normal... e other 'me' says...
but it's gonna alright...
God is with you...
i will praise him no matter what...
no matter how...
and it's my choice now to love for love was never a feeling... it's a choice to make... just like being happy...
i sound so unchristan like before huh...
i can hear all of them say...
you are a christan right... aren't you suppose to be this ,be that?
i am never perfect...and never will be...
christan means being forgiven of my sins...to live again... to start anew... so pls get off my back...
bearing it alone is so hard... y am i always so stupid? when e lord wans to share it with me, i insist on taking it all...
Lord forgive mi...
christmas is coming... and everything is going to start all over again... every year, at this time... it's time to look at e cross, for me to repent...to be humbled ,to learn again... like a baby learning to walk to the father...stumbling along the way and sitting on e floor crying...till i look up and saw e pair of hands waiting for mi to reach up and hold... gentle and sweet...full of mercy... e soft touch of his hands and smoothing words of encouragement. the strong and steady grap as e Almighty one holds me into his arms... it smells like e rain... i thank God that He is always there reminding me that He is there with me... i am going back to him again... like i have returned before... regardless of what i have done...he is always there waiting for me... with wide open arms...welcoming me back, e mercy and grace, not forgetting the patience...to me, that's my God...and for that i will praise him..
john 3:16-17
for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son,that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved.8Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.
psalm62:9-12
9Surely men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a lie: to be laid in the balance, they are altogether lighter than vanity.
10Trust not in oppression, and become not vain in robbery: if riches increase, set not your heart upon them.
11God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God.
12Also unto thee, O Lord, belongeth mercy: for thou renderest to every man according to his work
thank you God~
just for loving mi~
my life these days
konbanwa~
how long has it been since i have thought to update? it's now nearing chirstmas which means ending of this yearz.
they say when a door closes, a new one opens...
to me... it's like a dream coming to an end.. and i'm waking up...
this year has passed me by like a blink of an eye.. the laughter and sorrow that i have experience and hopefully overcome was an eye opener..
every step i made opened a new side of me... to look at a diff point of view
to understand myself better...
to hopefully experience and know God better...
yet i fell into a pit hole...
stuck at a spot...
somehow i got used to the darkness...
slef pity...
sentimental songs that makes one's soul dive into the depths of unforgiveness and sorrows.. filled with tears...
and it makes one feeling overjoyed and grinning with laughter...~
e mind forces one to think...
i got to and will or i must snap out of it..
cos i got my God...
lol
